


The Days We Have Left

by Charlie9646



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, Death, F/M, Falling In Love, HIV/AIDS, HIV/AIDS Crisis, Love, M/M, not HEA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:47:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21893146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/pseuds/Charlie9646
Summary: Everyone dies, just some do quicker than others.Remus thought he was just going to have a place to stay for the holidays, not realizing where he chose to would change his life forever.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29
Collections: Twistmas 2019 - A Dark Remix Xmas Fest





	The Days We Have Left

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [Twistmas2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Twistmas2019) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Getting sick and having people take care of you
> 
> To those who we have lost and a good friend of mine whose HIV positive, may you see many sun rises my friend.
> 
> This is a very sensitive topic and I tried to do my best to honor those with it. I hope it turned out well.

Remus Lupin was not stupid nor was he foolish, he knew had the world felt about his kind, how they felt about werewolves. It did not matter that he had never killed anyone. It did not matter that he was not this creature by choice. Remus John Lupin to most of the world would always be seen as a monster. Not one worthy of destroying, because the world had long since left such kindness, no now they just made it where you would want to kill yourself instead.

No one would hire a werewolf or if they did they would fire him or her as soon as they caught the mistake. They would not be punished by the wizarding world for doing so, in fact, they would be praised for such actions. Beyond that, one did not like to rent homes or worse rooms to such creatures of the night. And it was not like he could afford to buy a house even if he found another job. He lost them far too quickly to actually ever be capable of ever saying any money.

Remus’s mother had died right after he had graduated from Hogwarts and his father was quite ill. As much as the man claimed it would be fine for his son to stay with him, Remus would not be a burden on his father. The man raised him, protected him and most of all, his father had healers that visited regularly to take care of him in his old age. They might not do so anymore if they realized the man’s werewolf son lived with him.

He was out of options. Sirius was sleeping on the Potter’s couch already. There was something going on with those three that he just couldn't put his finger on. Remus was not one to judge others on what they did or did not do. If what he had a suspicion was the case was true it would not change one gosh darn thing about how he felt about any of his friends, not one single thing.

He had no room talk about such things though. He was a gay man after all, and if they were happy that was all that mattered.

Lily had suggested that her old friend Severus, who was renting his spare room out and might need some help around his shop as well. They weren't close anymore as they once had been, but the man did owe her a favor. At least it seemed she could talk the man in letting Remus stay for the holidays, longer if his furry problem didn't cause any problems.

Aka back to being chained in the basement like some sort of animal, but even he admitted during that time of the month he was no better than a beast. Remus wished he could afford the potion to keep his mind during the changes. But, alas it was far too expensive for a man who at times struggled to feed himself.

Remus’s friends use to spend those times of the month with him, but they were no longer children anymore and they were not at Hogwarts either. There were where no easily accessible open places to change anymore. And the truth was if he had to be chain up and they were around he might become so frustrated at the chains, Remus might hurt them. Until a better solution was found it was best he again spent the full moons alone.

Remus packed the personal possessions he owned and Apparated to Hogsmeade; where Snape’s shop was.All he could hope was that maybe just maybe this would be the new start he needed.

**********************

Remus took out the key he had been given by Lily. It had been so long since he had something as simple as a house key. He had spent the years since Hogwarts renting rooms and sleeping on friend’s couches. He hated to rely on people and be their charity case. His parents had raised him better than that.

He turned it in the brass doorknob and then stepped inside. There was an old mat in front of the door, he wiped his feet on it. The shop was as quiet as a funeral home. There was dust on the counter and the lamps unlit. Potion vials sat on the shelves. The wood floors we're scuffed.

Remus called out, ”Snape, Lily gave me a key so I let myself in.” No response. “Severus?”

He walked further into the shop, Lily told him in the far corner there was a door to the stairs that would take him up to the living space. Maybe the man was out. He should just go upstairs and settle in. He walked up to the door and tested the handle. It was unlocked.

Remus walked up the steep staircase to the flat where Snape lived and he would be living. When he reached the top he took the living room in. There was a small stone fireplace, a dark blue carpet on the wooden floor, a black leather armchair, a blue sofa, and dark brown wooden end tables. But, what took up most of the room was the massive overflowing bookshelves. He walked over and then fingered one of the spines.

Bare feet hit the wooden floor, and Severus asked him, “Didn’t your mother teach you not to touch that don’t belong to you?”

Remus turned to face the man and he was utterly shocked. Severus had always been thin, long lanky limbs, pale skin, and all angles. But, this was so different. You could see his boney shoulders through his thin white undershirt, his skin was not only pale but it had a sickly grey tone to it. His cheeks were sunken in, his eyes seemed larger because of this, black as raven’s wings, not unlike his long lank black hair.

Remus said to him, ”Didn’t Lily mention that I would be coming over today?”

Severus said, ”She did, let me put on the kettle while we talk.”

Remus said, ”I can do it if you want. You don't look all that well.”

The other man said, ”Lupin, I know where everything is. You don't. Beyond that, I don't need someone to take care of me. Over tea, we can talk about how you're going to be paying your rent.”

Remus sat on the sofa, realized he was still in his coat, held his suitcase and was still wearing his boots. Tracking mud throughout the man’s home was not a way to be a good house guest.

He said to Severus who was putting the kettle on in the open-air kitchen, “Where do you want me to put my coat and the rest of my things?”

Severus said, “Just leave your coat on the sofa, and don’t bother with the rest of your things until we have talked. I will show you to your room after.”

Remus did as he was told and then stripped off his boots. Severus brought their teacups to the living room. The werewolf could not help but watch as Severus’s hands shook as he carried the cups over. He sat the one in front of Remus and said, “If I remember correctly you like your tea black.”

Remus said, “How in Merlin’s name did you remember that?”

Severus said, “I just did.”

Remus quickly learned that Severus had a condition that he would not say what it was. But, because of the disease, he needed help in his shop. He needed the other man to do the work he could not. Severus insisted that he would tell Remus exactly what to do and how to do it.

When they finished he showed the other man to the spare room that would become his bedroom. It was plain but warm, and comfortable. The bed was soft and the sheets and blankets were clean. They reminded him of home, of his mother. As he placed his clothing in the dark wood wardrobe in the room. Remus thought how Severus seemed far more quiet and passive than he had before. Passive in a way that Snape had never been as ateenager at Hogwarts.

It was nice, but also worrying. Because it meant the man really needed him. To be honest Severus never before seemed to believed he needed anyone. It was a good change, but also a worrying change.

*********************

Remus woke up to the sound of Severus vomiting in the loo. Part of him wondered if he should just ignore it if the man wanted help he would ask for it. He knew and understood what it felt like to be really truly sick. After his changes, he was weak, drained. Sometimes he would have open wounds that were self-inflicted. Other times he would spike a fever. But the worst was when he woke up covered in his own vomit.

James and Sirius would always be there for him during those times, cleaning him up, talking to him. Bringing him his schoolwork, but most of all they listened. Even when he told them to get out to leave him to suffer.

Remus pulled on his dressing gown and made his way to the loo. The door was open ever so slightly, Severus leaned over the toilet, he wore no shirt. You could easily see his spine through his pale skin. He had these raised red bumps on his shoulders.

Severus snapped he did not even bother to raise his head up to look at him, ”Didn't anyone ever teach you to knock?”

Remus said, ”I was worried about you. I heard that you were getting sick.”

Severus said, ”It's normal for me. But, if you want to do something for me I have a potion vial on my desk in the living room. Please get it for me.”

Remus did as he was told, and brought it to the other man. When he came back in Severus leaned against the wall. He shivered, and his eyes were shut. His belly was sunken in not flat but concave. He said to the man, ”I have the potion, here it is.” He placed it in Severus 's pale hand, his long fingers we're cold.

The man took it, then uncorked the potion and drank it down.

Remus turned to leave, but he could swear he heard the man whisper, ”thank you” but then he started to cough, it could have just been a cough.

********************

The two men sat on stools in the lab down in the shop, it was a Monday afternoon. Severus told Remus exactly what to do as if he had never made a potion before. He did not comment on that fact, Severus seemed to struggle with allowing him to be the one to cut up the dittany and stir the cauldron.

Severus tried to look presentable, instead of the sleep pants and dressing gown he normally wore around the flat he was in robes. His hair was greasy untamed and hung in his gaunt face.

He coughed into his elbow his face turned red and he seemed quite out of breath. The other man patted his small back but was horrified at how thin it was, but he said nothing.

Remus would cook tonight or if the other man insisted that he, not, he would order in takeout. The potion was finished. Tomorrow the customer it was for would pick it up. Severus stepped in to fill the vials he moved slower than he normally did. He looked worn out as if he had not slept for days and yet he hadn't gotten out of bed until ten am.

Remus did not insist that he could just do it. He understood quite well Severus needed to feel that he had at least done part of it. He of all people could understand that.

***********************

Remus watched as Severus lit a cigarette the first time he saw the man smoke, he had made a comment about it, but the man simply said, ”It’s not like it's they are going to kill me before it does, and that's the biggest problem with them.”

In that moment with that offhanded comment, it hit him like a ton of bricks, Severus was dying. He wasn't suffering from something that was life-limiting. It was something that was going to kill him. Remus hid his discomfort at such a fact behind a mask, it was not his place to feel such things. He barely knew the man, he was just his roommate. Severus Snape was just the man he worked for, the man who was giving him a place to stay.

Remus had gotten into the habit of cooking for them over the few weeks he been staying with the man. Severus’s nausea was nearly unmanageable at this point, the potions we're just not touching it. So he was making a broth of sorts, plain and easy on the stomach. Once it was finished he went over to where Severus lay on the sofa huddled under many blankets.

The man turned his overly large nose away to the soup, ”Remus, I am not hungry”,he muttered.

Remus sat the bowl on the end table and then kneeled on the ground. He said to the man, ”Sev, you need to eat you haven't eaten in over a day.”

The man pulled the blankets higher and said, ”Not hungry”.

Desperate to help the man who somehow had become his friend he said, ”You need to eat, to keep your strength up.”

Severus mumbled, ” It's just going to come right back up, no point.”

Remus said, ”Just a glass of water then? Please for me?”

Severus said, ”Tea, I am cold, so a cup of tea.”

So Remus put the kettle on. He realized then he might be falling in love with Severus Snape, and how heartbreaking that fact was.

********************

Severus earlier had asked Remus if he would lay in bed with him. He was shocked that the man wanted that, but he couldn't help himself he said yes. The room was not what he expected. The blankets were a soft blue, the sheets were a crisp white. Severus laid in bed with the blankets pulled up high.

Remus sat a glass of water on the man’s table, and said, ”If you want it, Sev, you can have it.”

Severus said, ”Why do you call me that?”

Remus said, ”Because I think it fits better than anything else. Is that a problem?”

He said, ”No, it's just Lily is the only one who calls me that.”

Remus laid on top of the blankets, Severus curled into him without thought.

Severus said, ”You can get under the covers if you want.”

Remus said, ”Are you sure?”

He nodded and the other man did so.

Severus said, “I should tell you what’s wrong with me. I should have told you from the beginning. I honestly didn’t expect to live this long. I shouldn’t of let myselfgrow to care for you...”

Remus said, “Well I am happy you are still alive, and I care for you. You don't have to tell me what's wrong, but if you do I will still be here to support you. No matter what it is.”

Severus’s black eyes flicked back and forth, he seemed desperate to not say anything, but also yearning to tell Remus what he had.Remus took his hand in his own and said, ”No matter what it is, I will support you.”

Severus leaned his head on Remus’s shoulder. Then he spoke softly, ”It’s AIDS. I have AIDs. I understand if you want to leave. I understand if you never want to speak to me again. I understand if you're angry at me. But, I didn't want to be alone... Lily has Harry to take care of and she's pregnant again. St Mungos wouldn't take care of me some of the healers we're terrified of me.

I couldn't die in a muggle hospital. I just couldn't. Beyond that, even though it's been proven you can get it through blood or bodily fluids from sex, they don't believe it. They would wear masks and gloves and would be terrified of me. I just can't Remus I just can't. Even if you don't want to stay... I am grateful for all that you have done for me.”

Remus knew what it was, he knew what would happen. He knew what they were heading towards. He wasn’t foolish. The disease had killed off many wizards and muggles alike. Severus already had those marks on his skin. He had lost quite a bit of weight in the weeks Remus had been staying with him. He had been coughing some, he struggled to eat due to nausea, and if he did he generally didn’t keep it down.

He was weak. Severus was dying and that was a fact.

Remus said nothing to him, but took his face into his hands and kissed him. Then he said as the other man started to cry, ”I am not leaving Severus, I am not scared of you. I of all people understand what it feels like to be ostracized for something that I can't change.”

In the weeks that Remus had been living with him, Severus had lost more and more weight. He was wasting away before his very eyes, and it was ripping Remus’s heart out and stomping on it.

Severus said in a soft whisper, ”I don't deserve you, Remus Lupin, I don't deserve you.”

Remus said, ”Yes Severus you do deserve me, and you deserved to be loved.”

Severus said, ”Aren’t you going to pressure me to tell you why I have it?”

Remus said, ”Sev, that's not my place to. If and when you are ready I will listen.”

Severus gained a bit of courage and told Remus how he got it. He told him about the time period right after he graduated Hogwarts and how all he wanted to be was loved. How he did not find that, but he did have quite a bit of sex. He did not know who he had given it to him, but yet he did have a feeling over the years before he knew he may have given it to someone else.

He was not scared of succumbing to the disease he was scared of suffering.

Remus told him about what it was like to grow up as a werewolf, to be bitten as a small child. To be hated, to be ostracized, to be hidden away, and treated like he a monster before he had even went to Hogwarts. To be terrified of what he could do to someone. What he could have done to Severus himself if James wouldn’t have stopped him. All because Sirius wanted to pull a stupid prank.

He was sorry for the fact he stood by and did nothing.

Severus said, “I was just as bad.”

Remus said, “Maybe, but we were just stupid kids. Sometimes I wish I could re-do somethings.”

Severus said, “Take it from someone who is dying, regrets aren’t worth dwelling on, it does you no go to live in the past or even the future.”

Remus said, “Since you may not have much time, is there anything you want to do?”

Severus said, “I want to spend Christmas with people. Well actually that’s wrong mostly you and Lily, but that means Potter and Black will be there as well. And maybe Regulus as well. He and I are good friends, and he needs to get over himself when it comes to his brother's life is too short...

I want to say goodbye Remus, I haven’t left my home in three months. I want to see snow on the ground, I want to see Harry play. See a happy home, and just forget for a day.

But, I know this sounds like a silly request, but could you help me wash my hair on Christmas Eve? I get too tired to do so. I take baths, but I haven’t been able to wash my hair in a few weeks. Please don’t mock me about that. I would if I could.”

Remus said, “Any time Severus I will help you, you just have to ask. Ask me for anything and I will do it.”

Severus turned a rather deep shade of red, and said, “Any?”

His lover said, “Anything.”

The other man said, “Please kiss me.”

And Remus did just that.

*******************

It had taken a lot of stubborn headache-inducing conversations to convince James that having Severus and Regulus over for Christmas was a good idea. The funny part to Remus was Regulus was the bigger issue than Severus.

Lily had pulled him aside from that last conversation and said, “You know don’t you?”

Remus said, “You know as well.”

Lily said, “I was the first person he told. Then until you, the only other person he’s told is his mother.”

Remus asked, ”What about James?”

She said, ”He knows Severus is sick, but not exactly what he has.”

Lily placed her hand on her rounded belly, and said, ”Remus I know you must think I am a horrible person...”

He said, ”Lily I don't, you have a toddler, and are pregnant. The one thing I learned about Severus during my time living with him? He's stubborn as a mule. I doubt he would want to stay here and be taken care of with Sirius and James here. And you can't leave your kid to take care of him in his home.”

Lily said, “He seems happier with you around, and so do you.”

Remus said softly, “I love him, he seems different now. Nicer, kinder, and I know I shouldn’t, but I do.”

Lily’s eyes shut and she said, “Remus... you didn’t.”

Remus said, “I do, Lily, and didn’t realize I did until afterward.”

Her green eyes were saucers, “Remus, you slept with him?!”

He said, “Wait?! No! Lily, we haven’t done anything, but kiss! Even if we wanted to have sex the mailer I got months ago explained things about condoms.I don’t think he’s strong enough anyway. But if he was and he wanted to I think I would.”

Lily said, “Remus, I love Severus Tobias Snape more than anyone alive... Don’t start with me. I have known him since I was nine years old. But, do not risk your own health to give him a moment of comfort.”

Remus said, “It’s not about comfort Lily. I really do love him. And if you can’t see that, that’s your problem. No else Lily. I haven’t felt like this ever before, and the only times I have come close that found out what I am and then ran for the bloody hills. I love Severus, plain and simple.”

Lily threw her arms around him, and he started to cry, she said, “I am sorry I judged you, both of you. It’s not my place.”

Remus said, “I don’t know how it happened, but I love him and I want to be there with him till the very end. No matter when it comes.”

Lily said, “You are a good man Remus Lupin, one of the best and he’s lucky to have you.”

***********************

Severus sat on a dining room chair his back to the sink. Remus washed his hair whenever his lover asked him to. It was a simple thing thought Remus, something that most people wouldn’t think about. But it cheered Severus up, it made him feel better.

Severus rarely worked in the shop now, rarely bothered to ask Remus to make anything that either of them would not take themselves. The only potion he made himself was wolfsbane potion. Severus felt Remus was incapable of doing so. That had only been once though. He had tried to tell the man he could without it. Begged him to just forget about it. But, his lover had insisted.

Severus also said when he was gone Lily would have his notes, she was just as good as he was at potions, she would make it. She couldn’t now due to her pregnancy. Remus didn’t want to think about when he was gone part. Some days it seemed because of how weak Severus was that they might only have days left, but other times when he felt well enough to go to the shops, take a walk together in the evening or make out like silly teenagers, it seemed that he could live decades longer. If you ignored the fact of how sick he looked.

The raised red marks had started to appear on his chest now. He had Remus pick up a potion to rub into them, to try and make them go away. It would not treat the cause of them, but he had said, “At least now I wouldn’t have to look at them.”

Remus rinsed the shampoo out of the long soft hair of his friend. He then grabbed a towel and dried the other man’s hair gently.

Severus said to him, “You don’t know how grateful I am for this, Remus.”

Remus smiled and said, “Love you tell me this every time and every time I tell you, I don’t mind. I love you, Sev, people are supposed to care for people they love.” He then kissed the man’s forehead.

******************

With Remus around, Severus felt safe to start venturing out into the world on his good days. His magic didn’t always work right now. The weaker he got the more touchy it got. In a way, it was dying as well. But, with someone with him, no matter what he would be able to get home. He wouldn’t end up being taken to St Mungo's by someone who was “just trying to help” and not doing a damn bit of good.

But, most of all he felt safe with Remus, safe with him in a way he had only ever felt before with Lily. Maybe that was what love was. That feeling of sheer safety. Severus only wished he had found it sooner. He wished he had only let someone else besides Lily in sooner.

Severus Snape knew three things quite clearly, he was a gay man, he was not going to see his thirtieth birthday, and he was totally and utterly in love with Remus Lupin. The last one being the most heartbreaking. He had long since accepted his death before Remus came into his life. He had even considered speeding things along with one of his own potions, but now he could not bear the idea of missing one second of life he had to live.

Severus wanted to spend whatever time he had left with Remus. He only wished that he could take Remus’s pain with him when he died. He didn’t want the man to emotionally suffer after he was gone. He could handle dying, dying itself was quite easy, but leaving someone you loved behind was going to be the hard part.

But, Severus Snape wouldn’t change a thing, at least now he thought to himself he would die knowing what true love is. What it’s like to truly love someone and be loved by someone.

And that was why he decided to put Remus into his will. His life was better because he had Remus in it, and the man said the same to him. He didn’t always believe his lover, but there was another way to do so. Severus didn’t have much, but being the last of the Prince family had its benefits even if he never was going to get to really enjoy them.

But, it meant he could be comfortable in his last days, and he could help Remus out. Not that he had told the man, who would likely assert that he needed no such thing. Remus wouldn't be as rich as the Malfoys, but he would never have to couch surf again either.

***********************

It was Christmas morning Remus helped Severus dress today, the man insisted on wearing slacks and a nicer shirt. Some days like today it seemed every single nerve in his body had decided it was going to be angry at him. But, his hair was washed, he had taken a bath and he was dressed in Remus’s Christmas present to him. A soft green sweater.

Severus gave Lily permission to tell the others who would be there at Christmas what was actually wrong with him. Remus helped him with his socks and boots. Even Severus’s feet looked so thin. He put on a brave face and smiled at the man he loved. This man made Remus feel like a love-struck teenager, they weren't getting to experience what most couples did, but most also didn't get to feel the closeness they did.

Remus wouldn't give up this for anything besides Severus to be healthy again. No matter how much he loved him, he would give up all they had together for the man to be able to have a normal life. But, there was no god offering to make such a trade. They had to live in the here and now. And that meant living as if every day was their very last together; because unlike most couples, it might very well be.

They went through the floo to the Potters home, Lily greeted them from her spot on the sofa. In two months she and James would have their second child, a boy as well. They had together decided on a name, well she mostly had since he was the one to name Harry. Their second son would be Evan Severus Potter. And no one was going to change her mind on such a thing, not even Severus himself.

Regulus wrapped his arms around Severus, “I have missed you, my friend.”

Severus said, “And I you, Reg.”

Remus said to Lily, “So James is cooking?”

She shook her head and said, “that man could burn water. Kreacher the Black’s house-elf is. Regulus is letting us borrow him for the day.”

Sirius sat on a dining room chair in the corner, his silver-blue eyes seeming to try to drill into Severus. Remus helped Severus to his seat next to Lily. Remus sat on the floor at their feet. Regulus sat on the other side of Lily for some reason, almost as if he was using her to protect him from his brother’s glare.

Regulus Black did not look too healthy. He was thinner and paler than he had been in school. It was not Remus’s place to ask what was wrong with him.

When the food was finished they sat a the dining room table. Remus somehow was in between Regulus and Severus. Lily sat at one end of the table. Harry was on the other side in his booster seat. Then Sirius, and at the other end was James.

Sirius asked Severus, “Snape how did you end up with it?”

You could cut the tension with a knife, “If you are going to suggest I am too ugly for someone to sleep with me, don’t Black. I got it the usual way for a gay man.”

Lily said, “Would someone like a roll?” She seemed to decide to just pretend like the situation wasn’t happening. To just ignore Sirius’s comment. But, her face was pinched, tight and uncomfortable.

Remus went to say something when James of all people spoke up, “Siri, it’s not the time for stuff like that I just want to spend the holiday with my family and friends, as should you.”

Severus pushed aside his plate, stood and said, “I think this was a bad idea, have a happy holiday.”

Remus grabbed his arm and said, ”if you're going, so am I.”

The other man said, ”Remus... They are your friends.”

He said to him, ”And you're my boyfriend. They can deal with it.” Remus held onto his hand and rubbed his thumb over the back.

Severus sat back down, and Lily patted his arm.

Later Sirius caught Remus heading to the bathroom with Severus out of earshot. ”Why in the world are you dating him?”

He said, ”Because Sirius, I love him.”

Sirius said, ”He’s dying, Remus.”

Remus said, ”Everyone is dying Sirius, some just quicker than others.”

*******************

It was New Year’s Eve Remus poured Severus a glass of wine. They both were a bit tipsy, but it was a holiday and they we were celebrating as much as they possibly could. And then took one of his own.

They sat on the couch together and started to do what they normally did every evening, kiss. Fingers tangled in long hair, hands snaking under each other’s shirts. The wine was getting to their heads. Remus pulled Severus closer, whispered in his ear, “I want to have you inside of me.”

Severus pulled away and said, “We shouldn’t... Remus.”

Remus said, “There are other ways, you know that right?”

Severus said harshly, “You might be willing to risk your life, but I am not willing to risk yours.” He stood and went to his bedroom. He then said, “I suggest that you sleep in your own room tonight, Remus.”

Remus cleaned up the mess they had made. He gripped a wine glass so tightly it shattered. He snarled. Why did the man seem to want to push him away? Was Severus scared of someone actually caring for him? But what could Remus do about that?

He had two options, respect the man’s space and talk to him tomorrow or he could ignore the man’s request. Remus had never been like his friends, he was not much of a rule breaker. He did not tend to even toe the line on things. It just was not in his nature.

Remus heard a large crash. They owned no pets, they had no visitors. Fuck giving Severus his space.

He ran to Severus’s bedroom, flung open the door and found the other man on the floor unable to get up. Severus said, “I think I need to go to the hospital, Remus”. Tears coated his pale cheeks. And all Remus could think was, this is what dying must look like. And that he would give anything to stop Severus from dying.

Anything.

But, that was impossible.

Later early morning of New Year’s Day the sound of beeping filled Remus’s ears. The healer said Severus would never be able to go home. He needed full-time care. Remus grabbed onto the Meditwitch’s hand and begged her, “that I can take of him.”

She said, “Mr. Lupin... You can’t. He’s dying he’s likely going to be dead before the end of the month. Beyond that, you are lucky we are even allowing you to stay with him. You two aren't married. Your nothing to him. Actually... I think it would be best if you did leave.”

Remus said, ”Please don't... I will not cause any more trouble. I will not be a problem. I will be as quiet as a mouse. I don't want him alone for this.”

She sighed loudly, ”I shouldn't allow this, but you can, any more issues and your out, Mr. Lupin.”

He went back to Severus's bedside, the man was in a fitful sleep. It was as if over the holidays he had gotten this small bit of uptick, but now it was going to crash around them.

Nothing good seemed to ever happen to Remus John Lupin, but that wasn't true even before Severus, anything good that happened to him seemed slightly tainted.

He had contacted Lily who would be there in the morning, as would Severus’s mother. It was time to start saying their goodbyes. 

Remus wished for more time with Severus as the days went on, but he also wished in some ways Severus’s suffering would end. Each breath seemed more painful than the one before it. The things that he kept removing off of his skin we're in his lungs.

The man seemed to be nothing more than a bag of bones at the moment. Lily would sit with him, Severus’s mother would as well. James of all people sat vigil at the man’s bedside. He didn't really say anything, his hazel eyes seemed just full of shame and displeasure with himself.

James said before he left, ”I truly sorry Severus for all I have done. I was just a stupid foolish kid, too dumb to see what was in front of me.”

Severus coughed, ”Takes one to know one Potter, I was no better than you were. But that's the past. Don't want to die regretting it myself, since it seems like I am going to see death rather soon myself. I recommend you let it go as well, just not the dying part that is.”

James laughed, ”you have a point. If you make it through this Snape, I don't think we're going to be friends, but I don't hate you anymore.”

Severus laughed, ”Same, Potter”.

But the oddest was Regulus. He didn't say much, he just held Severus’s hand and cried. His blue-grey eyes full of tears, his small back shaking, he looked like Severus did when Remus had first moved in.

Severus was sleeping.

The younger man turned Remus and said, “It's going to be me next, I have it too. I always use to follow him around like some sort of lost puppy. I think even in this I am going to follow him. Much to his and my dismay.”

****************

Severus Snape to his last breath on how he lived his life, on his terms. He insisted on going home. He died in his bed, in his flat that he had worked for. In Remus’s arms. The Healer allowed it because she knew there was nothing she could do for him. But give him the death of his choosing.

They buried him in Godric’s Hollow. He wouldn't get to meet his namesake a little boy who was born a few months later, but his Godfather, his living Godfather Remus would tell him about the man he was named after.

Remus couldn't bear to leave the shop and flat he had shared with the man, so he hired a young potion master to run the shop and he was her assistant.

Years later when London made an AIDs memorial Remus sat down a red rose on it, tied around it was a green ribbon. Remus had many lovers over the years, but he would never forget his first love, the man who taught him how to truly love himself.

They would see each other again one day, but Remus would be an old man when that time came. Severus would wait for him and watched the man live the life he wished he could have shared with him.

Sometimes a month could feel like a lifetime, and sometimes staying with someone while they were dying was the right thing to do. It was worth loving even if you knew you were going to lose them. Everyone dies, just some quicker than others.


End file.
